Is There a Dog Heaven?

My wife thinks that perhaps we shouldn’t root for a dog heaven, because all of our dogs won’t be there. The dog that pooped in my son’s ear is definitely doomed to eternal damnation – not because of the pooping, which we have forgiven, but his biting of numerous children without provocation that has sealed his eternal fate. (Although the pooping didn’t help.)

Our first cat, Bazzard, died in a car accident, and it’s likely that he’s now engulfed in hellfire, because, well, he was kind of a jerk. Of course, the reality of a dog heaven does not necessarily mandate the reality of a cat heaven, because if there is a cat heaven, it’s probably a very, very small place.

As far as the theology goes, there are very different takes on the subject. According to an ABC News poll, 47% of us believe that dogs do go to heaven, while 35% said no. (That’s a very cold-hearted 35%, if you ask me. Or perhaps their dogs have all pooped in their ears.)

For serious consideration from a Christian perspective, I direct you to this website, which maintains that most people aren’t going to heaven, so it doesn’t really matter if pets are there, too. The official Catholic teaching, apparently, is that dogs do not go to heaven, because their souls are not subject to resurrection. However, there are thousands of slightly heretical priests who say something different to individual grieving pet owners.

Islam teaches that animals will be judged alongside humans, and that animals that take advantage of other animals will be turned to dust. However, those who live in paradise can have everything they want, so if they want their pets, they can have them, dust or no. No word on whether the dusty animals will stay dusty if a pet owner wants them.

Judaism is entirely vague on the subject of animal afterlife, which is not surprising, since it’s somewhat vague on the concept of human afterlife, too. Same is true of Buddhism. Hinduism maintains that dogs are part of the cycle of reincarnation, and they eventually become human souls, so it’s all good.

My take: Dog is God spelled backwards. As far as I’m concerned, that’s all anyone needs to know.