Monday, December 26, 2011

Understanding Dog Memory


Yesterday was Christmas! But your dog probably doesn't remember that. 


The following is from VetInfo.com .


Scientific research on dog memory has lead to many questions as well as some answers. As a dog owner, you can make educated guesses about your dog's memory span including short-term memory and long-term memory. This knowledge can help in training and understanding a dog's reaction to separation from his friends.

Associative Memory Versus Real Memory

Dog memory can be best understood as primarily associative versus real memory. A dog remembers people and places based on associations he has with those people and places. If the owner puts on a specific article of clothing before taking the dog out for a walk, the dog will react with his usual excitement about going to the park when the owner puts on that coat. This will last for many years unless a new association to the coat is established. A dog is unlikely, however, to suddenly get excited about going for a walk without any sign of the coat, or the leash, or whatever reminds him of the walk.

Negative Versus Positive Associations

Associative memory can work towards the negative as well. If a dog has a traumatic vet visit after a ride in the car, he will react to car rides with fear until that memory is replaced by associating the car with getting to go out and play. The stronger the association, however, the harder it is to change the memory.

Dog Memory Span

Dogs have some real memory but it's only extremely short in its span. Most research indicates that a dog's short-term memory is about 10 to 20 seconds long. This means that if a dog poops in the house, for instance, and you scold him about it 5 minutes later, he won't associate the scolding to pooping in the house. He'll associate the scolding with you and pooping in general.


Dogs are clearly able to remember language and hand signals for many years. It's somewhat unknown whether this is associative or real memory but it is probably the former. A dog may associate the word "sit" with getting a treat so even if the treat is not present, he'll want to sit when he hears that word just in case a reward is involved.

Friday, December 23, 2011

The World's Most Expensive Dog!

Christmas is two days away! What better surprise for your loved one than the gift of the world's most expensive dog?

 How much will it cost you? Watch and find out!

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Separation Anxiety


It’s been said that dogs look up to you; cats look down on you, but pigs treat you as equals.

Cats, therefore, don’t miss you much when you’re gone. Dogs do, however. If you're traveling for the holidays and leaving your canine pal behind, you may want to keep that in mind. Many dogs suffer from separation anxiety, and some may be willing to act out to demonstrate how much they miss their masters. They’ll howl or bark, scratch the furniture, leave smelly presents, or even hurt themselves if they feel that’s the only way to get your attention.

Separation anxiety can be a result of a dog’s background. If you adopted your dog at a shelter, there’s a real possibility that dog was abandoned or neglected by its previous owner, which may manifest itself in the dog’s current behavior. Dogs also may have difficulty adapting to a drastic change, such as a move to a new neighborhood. If kids have some trepidation about making new friends, imagine how difficult it is for your dog.

There’s no silver bullet to cure separation anxiety, but there are ways to establish patterns to help your dog feel comfortable and confident. Dogs take their cue from you, so if you’re relaxed and at ease in the new environment, they are more likely to be the same. Try to downplay their extreme behavior when you leave or arrive at home. When the dog finally calms down, reward them with a treat or a toy. Positive reinforcement of good behavior does wonders to set the tone for a dog’s long-term well-being.

Exercise helps tremendously, too, both for dogs and for people. Running with your dog allows him to spend time with you and work off some stress, too. Apparently, some doctors seem to think that exercise is good for you. I’m still not convinced, but I pass the suggestion along just the same.

Another technique that helps is the idea of the “gradual departure.” In other words, grab your car keys and give the impression that you’re about to leave, and then don’t leave. Or leave for a few seconds and then come back. If your dog shows signs of anxiety during these mini-departures, be sure to wait until he’s calmed down before rewarding him. Many pet owners will feel the instinct to comfort the dog while he’s overreacting, but that simply validates the anxiety and exacerbates the problem.

Of course, you can always get a pig.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Batman!

This is very, very stupid. Which, of course, is why I love it.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Dog Revenge


We visited relatives over Thanksgiving. Our dog was farmed out to relatives, but our two cats were left at home. In protest of our absence, the felines left several presents on the basement rug, despite the fact that their litter boxes and food supply were ample and clean. Our first instinct was that our cats were trying to get back at us for our absence. I don't know if that's true of cats, but for dogs, that's simply not the case.

Studies have demonstrated that animals feel basic emotional states, but a need for revenge is a far more complex situation which requires a dog to connect a simple biological act with a cognitive conclusion. Dogs, frankly, just can't do that. That's one of the reasons why it's important to discipline a dog immediately, because punishment that comes even several minutes after the fact will be more confusing than anything else. We love dogs because they're loyal to a fault and are completely without guile. If your dogs seems vengeful, there's something else going on.

A house-trained dog or cat that poops in your absence isn't trying to get back at you; they're simply confused, insecure, or lonely, which throws them out of whack and may result in a response you might interpret as revenge. Fixing the problem involves identifying the real causes and responding appropriately. Don't waste a second trying to "get even" with your dog. Give them more love and attention, and you'll be amazed at how quickly the problems get solved.

Cats, however, are just jerks. 

Monday, December 19, 2011

Haiti, Mexico, and Rome

Today’s memories are not my own; they come from my sister and my brother, who worked on humanitarian relief efforts in Haiti and Mexico, respectively.

In Haiti, one of the greatest sign of devastation in the aftermath of the massive earthquake was the huge numbers of stray dogs who are wandering aimlessly, scrounging for whatever food they can find. My sister recalls the accidental spilling of a flour-based concrete, which resulted in a swarm of dogs licking up the flour off the ground in a desperate attempt to survive.

In Mexico, my brother was volunteering to bring homes and shelters in Tijuana up to livable conditions, and the first rule of the group they were with was “Do NOT pet the dogs!” Stray dogs in Mexico wander freely, too, and they traffic in all manner of diseases and infections. My brother and his two sons spoke of the pathetic, sad eyes and desperate faces of these animals that had no one to care for them.

The only comparable experience I recall in my own life took place on my honeymoon, when I was backpacking through Europe and toured some ancient ruins just outside of Rome. I was swarmed by dogs that were desperate for food, affection, or any kind of simple interaction.

I’m not sure what the moral of the story is, although “spay and neuter your pets” is probably a good one. We don’t have this kind of dog population problem in the United States, but experiences like this are grim reminders that abandoned pets live sad, desperate, lonely lives.

So tonight, when you get home, make sure you give your dog an extra hug and let them know how much they’re appreciated.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Friendship of a Dog

The best friend most people have is their dog on your dog for friendship you can depend
Than your ever devoted canine you cannot have a better friend
Your dog will never forsake you he or she will be your friend for life
A dog's love you can rely on far more than the love of your wife,
There are so many stories of dog devotion risking their lives loved ones to save
When people they love are in danger dogs can be unbelievably brave
They've been known to save people from drowning and they've been known to save people from fire
They do not expect reward for their loyalty so much in them for to admire
Yet some do treat their dogs quite badly cruelty to animals is a serious crime
And perhaps for such an offence a good deterrent would be at least a year of jail time
Any dog is not born to be vicious 'tis their masters who make them this way
A cruel owners makes a dog dangerous that does seem a sad thing to say
Since dogs to us can be so loyal your dog to you can be your best friend
Your wife may decide for to leave you but your dog will stay with you till the end.

- Francis Duggan

Saturday, December 17, 2011

The Greatest Dog Cartoon Ever!

Does anybody read Marmaduke?

I’ve always ignored it as one of those ancient strips that clutters up the comics page for generations, long after the original writer either retires or dies. Based on the box office grosses for the recent movie version, there’s not a lot of Marmaduke love out there.

When it comes to comic strip dogs, it begins and ends with Snoopy, as far as I’m concerned. All the others are entirely forgettable. Odie has made something of a name for himself as a buffoon in the Garfield strips, but he’s a weak icon. And while 71 million people supposedly read Parade Magazine every week, I have yet to meet a single Howard Huge fan.

Cartoon dogs fare much better on television. My kids grew up watching Clifford, The Big Red Dog, and I have fond memories of Underdog and Scooby-Doo. But there’s one dog character that has faded into obscurity that’s due for a resurgence. I have never forgotten him, even after all these years, and I can still sing every word to the theme song.



Yes, of course, I speak of the great Hong Kong Phooey.

Hong Kong Phooey is the mild-mannered janitor who turns into a superhero by jumping into the bottom drawer of a filing cabinet and then popping out of the top drawer after the cat pounds on it really hard. Inexplicably, he’s an anthropomorphic dog in a world of humans, but nobody recognizes him when he puts on his mask. He’s blitheringly incompetent, but he’s voiced by the great Scatman Crothers, so he’s also deeply groovy.

Yeesh, if they can make a Marmaduke movie, what’s the hold up on a Hong Kong Phooey flick?

Friday, December 16, 2011

Just in time for Christmas! Dog Sofa! With Memory Foam!


That's right! With memory foam!

My dogs have never needed memory foam, but maybe your dogs are cooler than mine. I'm not even sure what memory foam is, and I'm pretty sure your dog doesn't know, either. But if you have about $500 bucks to spend, this may be the memory-foamed dog couch for you! Imagine the joy on Christmas morning when your pooch runs down and finds the memory foamiest couch he's ever seen!

Can you imagine it? Well, me neither.

Perusing the Amazon listing for this doggie luxury, I also stumbled across a full-size human hot dog costume for only $19.99. That's more my speed, I think.


Thursday, December 15, 2011

If Your Dog Fears Fireworks


As the year comes to a close, more and more people are celebrating by adding a little bit of July to early January via fireworks. This is already big holiday tradition overseas, and it's start to get traction here in the good ol' U.S. of A. 

Fireworks, however, can often create a rough time for many dogs. People like the big explosions, bright colors, and loud noises that accompany such celebrations, but they just serve to confuse the dogs. They don't know what's going on, and singing "Auld Lang Syne" doesn't really help. 

If you're not going to be home when the fireworks begin, make sure your dog is in a secure place. Animal shelters report that fireworks time is a very busy one for them, because dogs bolt from their natural surroundings and then get lost after running away for awhile. In any case, your dog should be wearing tags so he can be easily identified in the case of a fireworks-inspired emergency.

If you and your dog are sharing fireworks together, do everything you can to make your dog feel at home. One dog owner suggests putting on a loud movie, preferably a violent war flick where rockets and bombs are going off all the time. Your dog has likely learned to ignore the television, so when the real fireworks start, the dog won't distinguish between fact and fiction. Others put on mellow sounds and spend soothing time with their dog. The important thing to remember is that your dog is looking to you for guidance - if you're calm, he's more likely to be calm, too. Panicky overreactions filled with pleas of "it's okay, it's okay" will likely stress your dog out more than comfort him.

There are also medical alternatives, but if you can handle this fear in an organic way, life will be better and easier for everyone. But it in extreme cases, it might be wise to consult a vet to determine what other options are available.

In the meantime, have a Happy New Year, whether you blow up anything or not!

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

L.A. Pooch Party

From the Los Angeles Times:
_____________________

The invitation to downtown Los Angeles' fourth annual Dog Day Afternoon kindly requested the company of canines "of all shapes, sizes and faiths."

But there were two caveats: First, the party was exclusively for the dogs of downtown residents. Second, admittance was granted to "social dogs only, please."

The party, held on the sandstone plaza of the Cathedral of Our Lady of the Angels, was a chance for downtown's many types of dogs, and people, to socialize.

As jazz music played and a late-afternoon wind blew, a steel gray pit bull nosed up to a shivering Chihuahua, three golden retrievers frolicked in a circle, and a guy on roller blades and very short shorts chatted up a man in a business suit.

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"I see my neighbors, I see people from the party last year, and I see some dogs who have really grown up," Curtis Lovell II said. Lovell, a downtown loft resident — and the guy in the shorts — was there with his dachshund, Giorgio.

The party last summer, Lovell said, "was one of our first doggie social events, so we had to come back."

Several downtown doggie day care centers and pet boutiques handed out goody bags, and dog walkers handed out business cards. One man had the unenviable task of trolling the grounds with a canister of water and a hose, "for when the dogs do their little business."

More than 500 dogs and nearly 1,000 humans signed up for the event, said Hal Bastian, vice president of the Downtown Business Improvement District, the party's sponsor.

Bastian, the self-proclaimed proud father of Scooter, an exceptionally well-groomed Nova Scotia duck tolling retriever. Scooter was, according to the invitation, one of the party's official hosts. The other was Joaquin, a black Labrador that belongs to Msgr. Kevin Kostelnik.

Kostelnik said he approached the business improvement district about throwing a gathering for dogs after he realized there were few open spaces in downtown where dogs could run.

"God loves all his creatures," Kostelnik said. "And pets bring people together."

Kostelnik was proud that in four years of hosting the event, "we've never had a dog fight."

Cardinal Roger Mahony was at the party, too, posing for photographs with people and their dogs. Despite appearances, though, Kostelnik says "the cardinal is a cat man."

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

How To Knit a Scarf out of Dog Hair

It occurred to me that perhaps the idea of a Bernese mountain dog scarf might appeal to some of you with less sensitive nostrils.

A woman named Betty Burian Kirk has a website that provides extensive information on how to collect, process, and spin dog hair into a lovely scarf or a knit hat. Ms. Kirk, for a modest fee, will be happy to produce the product for you. You can read all about it at her website, www.bbkirk.com. I provide here some relevant excerpts from her page to get you started.

From bbkirk.com:
_____________

Tips on Using Dog Hair Yarn

Treat it and care for it as if it were fine wool. Weavers should take care if it is to be used as a warp. I advise the use of a warp sizing. Knit or crocheted dog hair is NOT elastic like wool. Gauge a garment the same as if you were using a cotton thread or yarn. Dog hair yarn items should be lined if it will be worn against the skin. Dog hair yarn does shed some at first. It is almost too warm to wear unless an open or lacy pattern is used. Many like it as an accent yarn used for trim or in design areas. This reduces your cost and prevents a garment from being too warm or heavy.

Don't cut your handspun yarn, break it. When joining two ends, overlap for several inches. Do not use knots. Handspun yarns have occasional thin areas. These are usually structurally sound. If they bother you or keep occurring in the same place, your can break the yarn and remove the thin section. Because of the thin areas, handspun yarn has an irregular yardage per pound. This must be taken into consideration when estimating how much yarn is needed for a project. Yarn breaking occurs occasionally. Because dog hair is silky and short, it does not hold together as well as wool. Breakage will happen more often when a tight tension is used in knitting etc.

When you are ready to knit or create with your dog hair garment, lay out all the yarn skeins and evaluate them. Some yarn may be thinner than other yarn. This is more likely to occur when you have had yarn spun on two separate occasions. You will need to design your piece accordingly, such as having the bulk of the piece in one type of yarn and the trim in the other yarn or the pattern in one type of yarn and the background in the other. If it is a block design, alternate blocks in the different size yarns.

Care Recommendations

Wash dog hair items in warm water with a mild liquid detergent such as Ivory dish detergent or dog shampoo. Avoid agitating the item in the water. Rinse in water the same temperature as that used with the detergent. Never let water run on the yarn or garment. Fill the basin with water and then add the garment. Gently squeeze excess water out and roll in a towel or extract the water in the spin cycle of the automatic washing machine. Be sure there is NO WATER BEING SPRAYED IN THE SPIN CYCLE. Dry flat and block if desired.

For more information, including an FAQ about dog hair yarn, click here.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Call Him Ishmael

My first dog was named for the narrator of Moby-Dick, a wandering soul who boards Captain Ahab’s ship and chronicles his deadly obsession with the white whale. I’ve never read Moby-Dick, and, as near as I can tell, neither has anyone else. But it’s the only book I know of, apart from scripture, that has the name Ishmael in it. In my eyes, that alone is enough to make it cool – although not enough to get me to read it.

My Ishmael wasn’t any kind of a sailor. He hated water and the cleanliness that came with it. He was something of a wanderer, though, more like his Biblical namesake than the dude on the boat. In Genesis, Ishmael, firstborn son of Abraham, was cast off into the desert, unwanted and alone, much like the sad stray dog that my mother took in a couple of years before I was born. Mom was fond of taking in stray dogs and stray people over the years, but none of them captured my imagination like Ishmael – or Ish for short.

I was devoted to that unkempt, scrawny black lab mutt. I didn’t realize until many years after he died that Ish didn’t really like us very much.

Oh, I’m not sure if that’s entirely true, but there was no other way to explain his desire to bolt whenever he saw an open door. He was pleasant enough when the doors were closed, especially if there was food involved, but he never really took to the simple life. When freedom presented itself, Ish made a run for it.

Then came the call to arms.

“Ish is out!” someone would scream, and then the entire house would mobilize for the rescue mission. Mom would drag us into the station wagon, and we would patrol the streets, following the trail of destruction in Ish’s wake as he ran furiously to escape the little kids who loved him too much to let him go. Eventually, he would be cornered or exhausted, and we’d haul him back into the car and back home, where he moped and shlumped his way through the indignity of domesticity. Sometimes, though, we would fail to catch him, and Ish would be seemingly gone forever.

It was in those moments, then, when Ish showed his true colors.

An hour or two after his disappearance, Ish would return of his own free will, bearing a peace offering – a dead bird, a dead rabbit, or perhaps even a dead cat, which did not endear Ish to any of our feline-loving neighbors. Mom was aghast, but I was glad to know that, underneath it all, Ish really did like us. Either that, or he was hungry after a few hours alone and liked to be fed. Either way was fine with me.

Comedian George Carlin once noted that, because of the relatively short life span of domestic pets compared to their owners, every dog or cat is a built-in childhood tragedy waiting to happen. Ish lived a long and healthy life, I suppose, but he died before I was a teenager. I was embarrassed by how much I cried when I found out, and I never thought I could love again. That changed drastically when I discovered girls a few years later, most of whom liked me even less than Ish did, but you never forget your connection to the first beast to barge into your life. And his veterinary-induced departure left a hole in my life that has mostly healed by now, but it still stings if I fiddle with it.

After all, what became of Captain Ahab after the white whale was dead? (Seriously, what became of him? I haven’t read the book. I don’t know.)

Sunday, December 11, 2011

A Rose By Any Other Dog

I’ve never met a dog named Jacob.

That’s surprising, actually, since Jacob was listed by the Social Security Administration as the most popular boy’s name of 2010. I’ve never met a dog named Emma, either, despite that name’s place at the top of the Most Popular Girl’s Names list. In fact, I can’t find a name in the top 100 that I’ve ever seen applied to a puppy. Ever seen a supper dish with David written on the side? How about Michael? Madison? Ashley?

What’s going on here?

Human names and dog names occasionally overlap – I have a niece named Maggie that shares her name with my sister’s late Labrador – but for the most part, dog names operate on a different set of principles. It takes just a bit of deductive reasoning to determine what those principles are.

For instance, a dog named Spot isn’t all that unusual, which means it’s perfectly acceptable to label a dog based on an aspect of their physical appearance. That doesn’t apply to people. We grew up with a black dog named Midnight, but my parents didn’t name me Schnozzie based on the massive honker that houses my nostrils. I had a human friend we used to call Pus-Head, but that was based more on his cognitive abilities than what his head looked like.

Dog names also tend to define the purpose the dog is supposed to serve. Dogs named “Buddy” or “Princess” fall into this category. I think “Snoopy” probably does too, but I don’t recall Charlie Brown’s beagle snooping very much. I’ve always liked the film Lady and the Tramp because each dog knew their roles based on their names. Lady was a refined lady; Tramp was a tramp. Humans don’t roll that way. Banks aren’t willing to give loans just because the guy’s name is Rich.

Dog name popularity tends to lag behind human names by about 100 years or so. I had a friend named Rufus who was named after his great-grandfather, but he met more dogs with his name than people. Buster Keaton is the last human I know with that first name, but I’ve met more dogs named Buster than you can shake a stick at, which is probably good, because shaking a stick around that many dogs can cause serious problems.

Based on these examples, may I offer the following ten dog names for your consideration:

1. Mudface
2. Barker
3. Mildred
4. Tongue
5. Sniffy
6. Ebenezer
7. Tubbs
8. Fetchums
9. Cornelius
10. Eugene Ionesco (That last one’s a wild card.)

Bottom line: I have no idea what I’m talking about.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Toy Story 3 from a Dog's Perspective

I rewatched Toy Story 3 yesterday, and, from almost every perspective, it's the best movie of the three. I thought so when it first came out, and my reviewing only confirms it.

From a dog's point of view, though, it's a disaster.

Buster, the dog given to Andy at the end of the first movie, was a hero in Toy Story 2. He was bright and vivacious and a friend to everyone. In Toy Story 3, though, he's a disaster. He's old; he's fat, and he's out of shape. What's worse, he's the punchline of the joke. Ha ha! Look at how decrepit Buster is! Isn't that HI-larious?

Aaargh.

Slinky Dog, the dog toy, fares much better, although the sad part about that is that his original voice was provided by the great Jim Varney - Ernest from the Ernest Goes to Camp movies - passed away between sequel installments. The new guy does a passable imitation, but we Ernest die-hards can tell the difference.

Still, there is a moment at the end of Toy Story 3 where you realize unequivocally that this is the finest film of the series. It’s a moment that involves a simple gesture and no words. I don’t need to tell you any more than that. I promise you, you will know it when you see it. And if that moment doesn’t make your eyes moist, then you have no soul.

I don’t need to rehash plot points. On paper, they look quite a bit like the first two films: toys in peril, daring rescues, and friends who stick together. But so much more is at stake here. The existential questions raised in #2 become major life-or-death struggles, taking this movie in some very dark directions. (My five-year-old was too terrified to watch much of it.) You discover just how much these characters have come to mean to you over the years. The ending is note perfect and tremendously satisfying, but you’ll probably sniffle a bit during that part, too. With the possible exception of Cars 2, which I personally haven't seen, Pixar has yet to make a bad film.

But as far as the dogs go, I give it two paws down.

Friday, December 9, 2011

Freeze Dried Dogs?

Alan Alda's autobiography was titled never Have Your Dog Stuffed. You can buy a copy here, if you like. Or you can ignore his advice and have your dearly departed dog freeze dried.

I didn't make that up.

A website called Perpetual Pet offers "new techniques" that make sure that you "never have to let go." I'll let them explain the process for you:
We at Perpetual Pet know that the loss of a dearly loved pet is a very difficult experience. Through the use of new techniques in freeze dry technology, we can offer a "Loving and Lasting" alternative to burial cremation or traditional taxidermy. Freeze-dry pet preservation creates a lasting memorial and more importantly, preserves your pet in a natural state thereafter, without any alteration in appearance. This allows pet owners to see, touch and hold their pets, and in a sense, "never have to let go." Best of all, freeze-dry pet preservation results in the preservation of your pet's actual, physical body. This is in sharp contrast to the conventional method of taxidermy, in which only the outer hide of the animal typically remains, attached to a plastic form or other type of artificial mounting.
Neat.

Not my cup of tea, actually, but if this sounds nice to you, pricing is apparently done by weight. Hefty dogs cost more to freeze, I guess. Christmas is coming - maybe this is a great gift for the strangest person on your list. 

The real question is: do they do hamsters?

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Massage Therapy for Dogs?

I'm not exactly sold, but the folks at petplace.com seem to be. Here's what they have to say about massage therapy for your canine companion:

The aging processes take a toll on your pet. Arthritis, joint problems, torn or over- extended muscles and ligaments, injury and surgery are some of the more common ailments that can benefit from increased flexibility and reduced physical and mental stress. The massage itself will promote socialization of your pet, enhance the human-animal bond and help maintain the health of a pet that is kenneled. During a period of confinement or restricted movement, the body is at rest and the muscles are inactive or stiff when activities are resumed. Massage improves the flexibility of these muscles and aids to prevent injury. Many of the healthy pets we have are part of a competition, whether in the show ring or performing agility, tracking, herding, flyball, ... or playing chase or Frisbee. They use and abuse muscles frequently. Massage relaxes the muscle, reduces strain and helps avoid injury.


My guess is that it probably is a rewarding experience for both people and puppies. I just don't think it's an adequate substitute for genuine veterinary care. And as dogs age, they become prone to arthritis and start to snap if the massage gets deep enough.

You can read the rest here.

The fact of the matter is that I wouldn't know where to begin. I wrestle with my dogs a lot. I pet them. I hug them. I scratch behind their ears. Isn't that enough?

Well, I admit, if a masseuse did that to me, I'd probably ask for my money back.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Is There a Dog Heaven?

My wife thinks that perhaps we shouldn’t root for a dog heaven, because all of our dogs won’t be there. The dog that pooped in my son’s ear is definitely doomed to eternal damnation – not because of the pooping, which we have forgiven, but his biting of numerous children without provocation that has sealed his eternal fate. (Although the pooping didn’t help.)

Our first cat, Bazzard, died in a car accident, and it’s likely that he’s now engulfed in hellfire, because, well, he was kind of a jerk. Of course, the reality of a dog heaven does not necessarily mandate the reality of a cat heaven, because if there is a cat heaven, it’s probably a very, very small place.

As far as the theology goes, there are very different takes on the subject. According to an ABC News poll, 47% of us believe that dogs do go to heaven, while 35% said no. (That’s a very cold-hearted 35%, if you ask me. Or perhaps their dogs have all pooped in their ears.)

For serious consideration from a Christian perspective, I direct you to this website, which maintains that most people aren’t going to heaven, so it doesn’t really matter if pets are there, too. The official Catholic teaching, apparently, is that dogs do not go to heaven, because their souls are not subject to resurrection. However, there are thousands of slightly heretical priests who say something different to individual grieving pet owners.

Islam teaches that animals will be judged alongside humans, and that animals that take advantage of other animals will be turned to dust. However, those who live in paradise can have everything they want, so if they want their pets, they can have them, dust or no. No word on whether the dusty animals will stay dusty if a pet owner wants them.

Judaism is entirely vague on the subject of animal afterlife, which is not surprising, since it’s somewhat vague on the concept of human afterlife, too. Same is true of Buddhism. Hinduism maintains that dogs are part of the cycle of reincarnation, and they eventually become human souls, so it’s all good.

My take: Dog is God spelled backwards. As far as I’m concerned, that’s all anyone needs to know.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

How to Pick the Right Dog for You

Which dog is right for you?

My guess is that if you’re reading this, you’ve already made your selection and have your canine best friend at your side. Many, however, have decided that they’re interested in adopting a pet, but they’re not sure which one is right for them. Here’s a little friendly advice as you make your decision.

I give you the DoginBlog Four Ss of Dog Ownership:

1. Size
2. Shedding
3. Sportiness
4. Should I get a pure-bred or a mutt?



That last one was kind of tortured, I know. I couldn’t think of an S word that fit. Sue me!

Let’s start by talking about size. There are big dogs, tiny dogs, and everything in between. The size of your dog should be considered in light of the space you have available to accommodate him. (I know I always use “him” instead of “her” is my pronoun of choice in dog descriptions. That’s because, in my tiny mind, all dogs are boys and all cats are girls. Sexist? Perhaps. It’s just easier than warping the text to be gender neutral. If you have a female dog who is offended my canine chauvinism, I apologize profusely.)

If you’re an apartment dweller or have very little space in the backyard, a St. Bernard or a Great Dane wouldn’t be the wisest of choices. It also wouldn’t be fair to your dog. Consider his needs as much as you would consider your own. Tiny dogs don’t necessarily mean less responsibility, either. A small dog is more easily injured and can even be stepped on, whereas if you step on a German Shepherd, you’re the one who’s far more likely to be injured.

As part of size, you might also want to consider your dog’s age, too. Everyone imagines getting a puppy and going from there, but puppies need to be trained, and they require a lot more attention. Adult dogs have a track record and enough training to know what you’re getting yourself into. There are many, many wonderful adult dogs who need a good home, and if you’ve never owned a dog before, it might be a good idea to start out with a dog who knows what they’re doing better than you do.

Shedding seems like a silly qualifier, but it encompasses a good deal of what you’re going to be facing with this new addition to your home. You have to decide if you want a high-maintenance or a low-maintenance dog. Some dogs drool a lot; floppy-eared dogs are prone to ear infections. Do you want to be brushing a dog’s hair on a regular basis - or brushing that hair off of your couch? Don’t pick a dog if you can‘t deal with the consequences.

We’ll address the other two Ss in a future post…

Monday, December 5, 2011

Gretel's Care Package

My mother refused to raise children in a home without a dog present. We had a succession of half a dozen canine companions throughout my growing-up years, beginning with Ishmael, ending with Cinder, and with Angel, Midnight, Gretel and Gremlin in between. Each of these guys had their own story worthy of several blog entries. There was also apparently a dachshund named Suzie who was before my time, so, in her case, I have no comment.

This memory focuses on Gretel, or, more specifically, on a Gretel by-product. Gretel, may she rest in peace, was a Bernese mountain dog and one of the most beautiful creatures ever to walk the face of the earth. She was also probably the sweetest and gentlest dog we ever had, and her time with us was altogether too short. She’s been gone for the better part of two decades, but I still miss her.

Back in the late 80s, I was living in Scotland for an extended period of time, and my mother would dutifully write real letters in that pre-Internet era and occasionally send a care package or two. On one occasion, I received a knitted scarf made by my mother’s own hand. Scarves were helpful in the cold Scottish weather, and I was grateful for the gift – until I smelled it.

The scarf was knitted out of yarn spun from Gretel’s sheddings.

Now don’t get me wrong. I loved that dog more than just about anything. But a scarf made out of dog hair still smells like – well, like dog hair. And in Scotland, where it rains every single day of the year and your scarf is bound to get soaking wet, the idea of having such an item that close to my nose was too horrible to contemplate.

There’s a reason that no perfume has been released under the label “Moist Dog Hair.”

I have no idea what happened to that scarf, and my relationship with both my mother and Gretel survived the exchange without incident. But the moral of the story is that if you want to send a care package to your son living overseas, I recommend cookies or breakfast cereal.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Just My Dog

He is my other eyes that can see above
the clouds; my other ears that hear above
the winds. He is the part of me that can
reach out into the sea.

He has told me a thousand times over that
I am his reason for being: by the way he
rests against my leg; by the way he thumps
his tail at my smallest smile; by the way he
shows his hurt when I leave without taking him.
(I think it makes him sick with worry when he
is not along to care for me.)

When I am wrong, he is delighted to forgive.
When I am angry, he clowns to make me smile.
When I am happy, he is joy unbounded.
When I am a fool, he ignores it.
When I succeed, he brags.
Without him, I am only another man. With him,
I am all-powerful.
He is loyalty itself.
He has taught me the meaning of devotion.
With him, I know a secret comfort and a
private peace. He has brought me understanding
where before I was ignorant.
His head on my knee can heal my human hurts.
His presence by my side is protection against
my fears of dark and unknown things.
He has promised to wait for me...
henever...wherever--in case I need him.
And I expect I will--as I always have.
He is just my dog.

- Gene Hill

Saturday, December 3, 2011

How To Eat A Cat

"Cats and dogs living together - mass hysteria!"
- Bill Murray, Ghostbusters, 1984

On a species-wide basis, there's no love lost between dogs and cats. I've discovered, too, that between pet owners, there's not a lot of crossover - you're either a dog person or a cat person, and never the twain shall meet.

Anyway, one of the more virulent cat haters I know brought to my attention a truly disturbing website, which I don't recommend for the faint of heart, because it shows graphic, hideous pictures of cats being skinned to be eaten. I won't provide the link, because it goes too far, but if you google "How to eat a cat," I'm pretty sure you'll be able to find it. The text of the site is pretty funny, but real-life pictures take the whole thing from the realm of the silly into the world of the hideous. I don't really want to skin cats and eat them, but I'm happy to joke about it. Perhaps that's an awkward line to draw, but that's where I am. I have two cats, personally, and while I'm happy to make morbid observations, I'd really rather they stayed alive, thank you very much.

Sites about eating cats might be good for a chuckle if you don't take them seriously.

For instance, I give you How to Make a Cat Tamale...

Friday, December 2, 2011

For the Dog Who Has Everything

Christmas is coming, although your dog doesn't know it.

It seems that, growing up, my lovely bride’s family always opened one present on Christmas Eve, something that was strictly verboten in our house. However, Santa Claus always left us pajamas to wear on Christmas morning, even though the need for new pajamas would have made more sense to leave them for us the night before.

So, in a natural tradition-blending compromise, we now open a present from our pets every Christmas Eve - and it's always pajamas.

Every year, our loyal companions give us some nice flannel things, and we never give them anything commensurate in return. We’re not alone – dog owners everywhere give presents that are the canine equivalent of socks or underwear. How many fake, crusty bones or dog dishes do they really need?

So here’s a gift idea for the hard-to-buy-for mutt: the dashing moustache and/or Jaggeresque tongue balls.

That’s right. For only ten bucks, you can buy a safe, non-toxic rubber ball that looks like a moustache or a tongue, so that after you throw the thing and he goes to fetch it, he comes back in disguise! He now has a sweet ‘stache to impress the ladies or a big tongue to sass the hand that feeds him.

It’s the perfect gift for hairy or hairless dogs, which are the only two kinds of dogs yet invented.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Gabriel's Angels

Gabriel, a large gray Weimaraner from Phoenix, Arizona, died on May 17, 2010. He was 11 years old.

When a beloved pet dies, most of the world pays no attention. But Gabriel’s death prompted over 400 emails, several flower arrangements, and dozens of cards.

Gabriel was a therapy dog and the initial inspiration behind Gabriel’s Angels, a non-profit organization in Arizona that provides 150 dogs who comfort children in need in the Tucson and Phoenix areas.

Gabriel was adopted by Pam Gaber, who would entertain children from the Crisis Nursery in Phoenix with stories about the puppy’s shenanigans. Finally, Gaber decided to bring Gabriel to meet her friends, and she dressed him up as Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer for the occasion. The kids loved it, and so did Gabriel. He was a sweet-tempered dog who enjoyed all the attention that the children were happy to give him.

The concept of therapy dogs goes back to World War II, when a dog names Smoky was invited to visit patients in the famed Mayo Clinic. It wasn’t until 1976, however, when training for therapy dogs became regimented and use of them became more and more widespread in nursing homes and hospitals.

Gaber wanted to expand the reach of therapy dog programs, and she saw a particular need for Gabriel-style attention among abused and neglected children. Gabriel’s Angels now serves a wide variety of shelters, schools, treatment centers, and recreation programs. The program visits over 13,000 children every year in 100 facilities.

Therapy dogs have proven effective in helping children overcome any number of challenges, from emotional disorders to speech impediments. Children who fail to respond to traditional treatments often discover that unconditional canine acceptance provides the confidence and compassion necessary to overcome even the most daunting challenges.

Gabriel was especially good at his job. He dressed up as a biker in leather to wow the kids, or as leprechaun on St. Patrick’s Day. When he finally lost his bout with cancer, hundreds of children contacted Gaber to express their condolences and pay their final respects.

You can learn more about Gabriel’s Angels here: